Wednesday, April 02, 2014

L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department

Tom O'Donnell's L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department in The New Yorker is hilarious.

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

‘Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®’ I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. ‘Nobody move unless you want to!’ They didn’t.

‘Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?’ No one spoke up.

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?’

It didn’t seem like they did.

‘Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.’"

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